The Ultimate 7 Day Diet

StressDo you ever find yourself questioning if your diet is healthy?  No. Liar!  Wait, what is “healthy” you ask?  Exactly!  We (everybody) cannot agree what is considered “healthy”.  Paleo, not Paleo, Primal, Vegan, Vegetarian, Fruitarian, SAD, Macrobiotics, South Beach, Zone, Mediterranean, Low Calorie, Subway Diet, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  Seriously, I could go on and on and on and on and on and on…. You get the picture.  There is so much opposing data for every type of diet out there.  Now I know that some of that data is anecdotal, well researched, poorly researched, and/or poorly interpreted.  So what is an uninformed or even an informed person to do? Drink copius amounts of beer and eat Fig Newtons.  Sorry, folks that’s my wish diet?  Wish Diet, I like the sound of that.

I have tinkered with all types of diets.  Did they work for me, well I’m still alive.  I guess that means they worked.  When considering a diet plan, most people, not all, look for something easy, quick, and will help them lose weight.  What does this type of diet look like?  That really depends on who you ask.  Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t us against them.  Hell, I don’t even know what side I’m on anymore.  I struggle with what to eat, how to eat, does it really matter, or who gives a shit (listening to Eminem right now).  I spent more hours than I care to remember researching nutrition, so why I am confused?  I have had this conversation with many people who fell the same way.  I suppose that is why you see so many diet jumpers.  Drop the Coke and step down off that Donut, sloooowly.  I am tired of worrying about what, how, and when to eat.  That’s why I decided to create the healthiest eating plan in the World.  Before I reveal Corben’s Real Action Plan for The Ultimate 7 Day Diet™, please consult your Physician before starting any new Diet Plan.  Disclaimer: I don’t know if this plan will work for everybody, so if you destroy your body, mind, and soul, I cannot be held responsible!

I will now take you through Corben’s Real Action Plan for The Ultimate 7 Day Diet™.  To make this easier I will refer to it as the CRAP 7 Diet.

Day 1 – Juice Cleanse.  Fresh pressed fruit and vegetable juices are best.  Organic if possible, but buy what you can afford.  Stick with vegetable juices in the morning and fruit juices in the afternoon and evening.  Consume as much as you want.  Recipe – Juice and combine carrots, apples, kale, ginger, and lime.

Day 2 – Raw Vegan.  Consume fresh raw fruit, raw fruit smoothies, and a large green salad.  Organic if possible, but again buy what you can afford.  Stick with bananas, pears, dates, figs, apples, berries, melons, and green leafy vegetables.  Recipe – 4 very ripe bananas, 20 dates, 2 cups of spinach, water.  Blend into a smoothie.

Day 3 – Vegan.  Consume as many fresh and cooked vegetables, tubers, grains (gluten free if you have an allergy), legumes, and fruits as you desire.  Recipe – Mix quinoa with lentils and season with curry.

Day 4 – Vegetarian.  Same as Vegan except add dairy and eggs as long as you don’t have an allergy to them.  Recipe – Make an omelette with spinach, mushrooms, and onions, top with cheese.

Day 5 – Low/High Carb Paleo – Consume fresh and cooked vegetables, limited tubers, nuts, seeds, eggs, and lean and fatty meats.  Do not eat grains, legumes, or processed foods.  Recipe – Throw a Ribeye on the grill an open flame and throw a sweet potato in the oven on a hot rock

Day 6 – Low/High Carb Primal – Same as Paleo, except add dairy if you can tolerate.  Recipe – add a gourd full of raw milk to the Paleo meal.

Day 7 –Cheat Day.  Eat whatever the hell you want.  Go crazy.  Eat ice cream, Fig Newtons, donuts, fried chicken, gravy, sandwiches, pizza, and burgers with the bun.  Drink beer, fruit juice, Kool-Aid, or whatever you want!  Don’t worry we won’t judge.  Recipe – never mind.

REPEAT

That is the CRAP 7 Diet.  I have combined the all the diets into one easy to follow plan.  You can now be friends with everybody; Paleos, Primals, Vegans, Vegetarians, Fruitatarians, and Normal People.  No more hiding, feeling guilty, wondering if this or that will give you heart disease, diabetes, cancer, or a flabby ass.  Now you can tell everyone to take their research, blogs, books, and experts and shove them where the CRAP 7 Diet comes out. 

Instead of worrying about what to eat, spending countless hours reading blogs, arguing and debating one diet versus another, you can focus your attention on other stuff like what is the best fitness plan to use to get into shape.  Give the CRAP 7 Diet a try and let me know your results. 

Disclaimer: Results may vary.  Consult a physician, psychotherapist, psychologist, demonologist, and ventriloquist before starting any new diet plan or continuing on your current one.

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One Response to The Ultimate 7 Day Diet

  1. Dennis says:

    The name says it all.

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