The Ultimate 7 Day Diet

Do you ever find yourself questioning if your diet is healthy?  No. Liar!  Wait, what is “healthy” you ask?  Exactly!  We (everybody) cannot agree what is considered “healthy”.  Paleo, not Paleo, Primal, Vegan, Vegetarian, Fruitarian, SAD, Macrobiotics, South Beach, Zone, Mediterranean, Low Calorie, Subway Diet, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  Seriously, I could go on and on and on and on and on and on…. You get the picture.  There is so much opposing data for every type of diet out there.  Now I know that some of that data is anecdotal, well researched, poorly researched, and/or poorly interpreted.  So what is an uninformed or even an informed person to do? Drink copius amounts of beer and eat Fig Newtons.  Sorry, folks that’s my wish diet?  Wish Diet, I like the sound of that.

I have tinkered with all types of diets.  Did they work for me, well I’m still alive.  I guess that means they worked.  When considering a diet plan, most people, not all, look for something easy, quick, and will help them lose weight.  What does this type of diet look like?  That really depends on who you ask.  Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t us against them.  Hell, I don’t even know what side I’m on anymore.  I struggle with what to eat, how to eat, does it really matter, or who gives a shit (listening to Eminem right now).  I spent more hours than I care to remember researching nutrition, so why I am confused?  I have had this conversation with many people who fell the same way.  I suppose that is why you see so many diet jumpers.  Drop the Coke and step down off that Donut, sloooowly.  I am tired of worrying about what, how, and when to eat.  That’s why I decided to create the healthiest eating plan in the World.  Before I reveal Corben’s Real Action Plan for The Ultimate 7 Day Diet™, please consult your Physician before starting any new Diet Plan.  Disclaimer: I don’t know if this plan will work for everybody, so if you destroy your body, mind, and soul, I cannot be held responsible!

I will now take you through Corben’s Real Action Plan for The Ultimate 7 Day Diet™.  To make this easier I will refer to it as the CRAP 7 Diet.

Day 1 – Juice Cleanse.  Fresh pressed fruit and vegetable juices are best.  Organic if possible, but buy what you can afford.  Stick with vegetable juices in the morning and fruit juices in the afternoon and evening.  Consume as much as you want.  Recipe – Juice and combine carrots, apples, kale, ginger, and lime.

Day 2 – Raw Vegan.  Consume fresh raw fruit, raw fruit smoothies, and a large green salad.  Organic if possible, but again buy what you can afford.  Stick with bananas, pears, dates, figs, apples, berries, melons, and green leafy vegetables.  Recipe – 4 very ripe bananas, 20 dates, 2 cups of spinach, water.  Blend into a smoothie.

Day 3 – Vegan.  Consume as many fresh and cooked vegetables, tubers, grains (gluten free if you have an allergy), legumes, and fruits as you desire.  Recipe – Mix quinoa with lentils and season with curry.

Day 4 – Vegetarian.  Same as Vegan except add dairy and eggs as long as you don’t have an allergy to them.  Recipe – Make an omelette with spinach, mushrooms, and onions, top with cheese.

Day 5 – Low/High Carb Paleo – Consume fresh and cooked vegetables, limited tubers, nuts, seeds, eggs, and lean and fatty meats.  Do not eat grains, legumes, or processed foods.  Recipe – Throw a Ribeye on the grill an open flame and throw a sweet potato in the oven on a hot rock

Day 6 – Low/High Carb Primal – Same as Paleo, except add dairy if you can tolerate.  Recipe – add a gourd full of raw milk to the Paleo meal.

Day 7 –Cheat Day.  Eat whatever the hell you want.  Go crazy.  Eat ice cream, Fig Newtons, donuts, fried chicken, gravy, sandwiches, pizza, and burgers with the bun.  Drink beer, fruit juice, Kool-Aid, or whatever you want!  Don’t worry we won’t judge.  Recipe – never mind.

REPEAT

That is the CRAP 7 Diet.  I have combined the all the diets into one easy to follow plan.  You can now be friends with everybody; Paleos, Primals, Vegans, Vegetarians, Fruitatarians, and Normal People.  No more hiding, feeling guilty, wondering if this or that will give you heart disease, diabetes, cancer, or a flabby ass.  Now you can tell everyone to take their research, blogs, books, and experts and shove them where the CRAP 7 Diet comes out. 

Instead of worrying about what to eat, spending countless hours reading blogs, arguing and debating one diet versus another, you can focus your attention on other stuff like what is the best fitness plan to use to get into shape.  Give the CRAP 7 Diet a try and let me know your results. 

Disclaimer: Results may vary.  Consult a physician, psychotherapist, psychologist, demonologist, and ventriloquist before starting any new diet plan or continuing on your current one.

Not Another 30 Day Challenge!

Everyone who’s “famous” in Paleo has a Podcast and/or a food (insert macronutrient, exclusionary item here) challenge. Well, you can now add The Health and Comedy Show (Podcast) to those who are starting a food challenge. During a recent recording Dan, Amy, and I were discussing Low Carbohydrate diets. Dan had the brilliant idea (he’s an idiot!!) for all of us to do a 30 Day Low Carb challenge starting May 1, 2013. I’m not sure if we ever determined a max carbohydrate limit, but somewhere around 500 grams per day sounds reasonable to me… (KIDDING!) We nailed down a few dos and don’ts.

The Don’ts:
• No drinkable food (shakes, smoothies, protein powders, juices, coconut water, etc)
• No dairy (ghee is acceptable)
• No Fig Newtons
• No legumes, nuts, or seeds
• No wheat or gluten containing foods
• No Fig Newtons
• No processed food (Protein Bars, paleo treats, etc.)
• No refined sugar or added sugar or sweeteners
• No Fig Newtons
• No alcohol
• No processed seed and vegetable oils (canola, vegetable, peanut, etc.)

The Dos:
• 30 Days
• Eat whole real food
• Eat sweet potatoes, white potatoes, especially post workout (If you choose. If you really want to be hard-core you don’t have to do this and you can donate your post workout carbs to Amy – please and thank you.)
• If you want, up to 2 fruits a day (Again, your choice and Amy will pick up any scraps that you choose to leave behind.)
• Coffee, it you desire (AND I DO)
• Eat healthy fats (avocado, coconut, olive oil, etc.)

There was some fear from Amy that she would lose too much weight (2 lbs) going on a low carb challenge. Because we don’t want her to become a victim of CPS, please donate all uneaten carb allowances to her bank. (FYI – we are allowing her to up her carb intake as needed using real food.) I am setting a max limit for myself of 75 grams of net carbohydrates per day – because I am bat-shit crazy. Without a set amount, I will binge on Fig Newtons while rocking back and forth in the corner with a Mason Jar of shine. As for Dan, we are not sure of his max carb limit – But have decided that 5 Paleo Treats in 5 minutes definitely breaks the rules. However, we do think he is trying to create low carb chocolate that is palatable for this challenge, so we are outlawing that too.

So what do I hope to accomplish? For starters, not to rough up any small children eating ice cream, not have any nightmares of Fig Newtons, and hope all my protein powder does not go bad in 30 days. If that goes well, then maybe lean out a little. I am going to add Eight Minute Meditation to this challenge. Also, my training will be a bit different. I will be doing 3 days of Crossfit at home coupled with 2 days of strength training including curls in the squat rack.

You might be asking why I have agreed to a challenge like this (besides the fact that I am mentally unstable or had consumed too much shine prior to our discussion). Accountability. I tried the Whole30. I got about 30 minutes into it before deciding I like COFFEE and BACON too much. I lasted exactly 21 minutes on the 21 Day Sugar Detox because, well… ice cream. I can complete this challenge because I have people supporting me (hopefully) on this journey. Again thanks to Dan for challenging us. I’ll see you on the other side and please be waiting for me with a bag of Fig Newtons!

You can follow my progress on Twitter and Facebook

Thanks to Amy Kubal for assisting with this post.

The PaleoLife365 2012 Meme Winners and Runner Ups.

Well 2012 has officially come to a close. I want to thank everyone who visited my blog over the past year. We had visitors from every corner of the World. The Paleo Movement, err… fad is gaining quite a bit of momentum. As promised, here are the Winners of the 2012 PaleoLife365 Meme Contest:

Up first Robb Wolf. I had no doubt which Meme would be the favorite….

52% of the VOTE

Runner Up….

18% of the VOTE

Next is Greg Everett. Again, no doubt….

48% of the VOTE

Runner Up….

22% of the VOTE

Next is Keith Norris. Leave it to Keith to produce a tie. Two Memes had 32% of the VOTE….

32% of the VOTE

And

32% of the VOTE

Runner Up….

26% of the VOTE

Last but definitely not least was the Miscellaneous Category. All I can say is holy crap. The winner had over 412 votes dominating the field with 87% of the Vote. And the Winner and the most Popular Meme of 2012 is….

87% of the VOTE

The inspiration for this Meme came from Shit Weightlifting Girls Say starring Aimee and Jessica. If you have not seen it, check it out.

Runner up with a paltry 3% of the Vote….

3% of the VOTE

I had a lot of fun creating these Memes over the past year. I have a feeling 2013 will be full of one-liners. Again, thank you for taking time to vote for you favorite Meme.
Have a Happy and Safe 2013.

Corben

Vote for Your Favorite PaleoLife365 Meme of 2012 – Part 4 Miscellaneous

This is Part 4 of the 4-Part vote for your favorite Meme Series. This one features Miscellaneous Memes. I added an additional 4 more. I will announce the winner on January 1, 2013.
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You can VOTE as many times as you like.

Vote for Your Favorite PaleoLife365 Meme of 2012 – Part 3 Keith Norris

This is Part 3 of the 4-Part vote for your favorite Meme Series. This one features Keith Norris. I will announce the winner on January 1, 2013.
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You can VOTE as many times as you like.

Vote for Your Favorite PaleoLife365 Meme of 2012 – Part 2 Greg Everett

This is Part 2 of the 4-Part vote for your favorite Meme Series. This one features Greg Everett. I will announce the winner on January 1, 2013.
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You can VOTE as many times as you like.

PS. Visit The Paleo Solution Podcast Meme Recap Compilation starring Greg Everett for the Video!

Vote for Your Favorite PaleoLife365 Meme of 2012 – Part 1 Robb Wolf

I was looking through my pictures the other day and noticed I had created quite a few Memes over the last year, so I decided to conduct a Poll of your favorites. There will be 4 categories: Robb Wolf, Greg Everett, Keith Norris, and Miscellaneous. Each category will include 5 Memes. Please vote for one favorite from each category. This will be a 4-part post. I will announce the winners on January 1, 2013.
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You can VOTE as many times as you like.

PS. Visit The Paleo Solution Podcast Meme Recap Compilation starring Robb Wolf for the Video!

Paleo: The Meat Cult or Substitution Diet

As an advocate for the Paleo / Primal lifestyle, I have watched as the movement has been heading in a direction of excesses and substitutions. I will call myself out on the excesses. I love BACON. Those who know me would have never guessed I used to be a vegetarian, vegan, and oh the horror, a fruitarian. What attracted me to the Paleo diet was that meat and saturated fat were not dirty words. As long as I did not consume grains, legumes, and processed foodstuffs, I could eat as much bacon, ribs, steak, etc. I wanted. One of the mantras for the Paleo diet is you can eat all the bacon you want, just don’t avoid grains, legumes, sugar, you know the bad stuff. Awesome, I can replace toast with bacon, orange juice with bacon, turkey bacon with REAL bacon. Why are we having a hard time making this diet “mainstream”? Oh, don’t get me wrong we are making headway, just not as quick as most would like. I think it comes down to the heavy consumption of meat most see us posting on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

Speaking of wanton craving for comfort food, what the hell is going on with all the “Paleo” cookies, breads, cakes, brownies, pancakes, you name it there is a Paleo (enter your recipe here) out there. I am waiting for Paleo motor oil. It seems Paleo is heading the way of the Vegetarian / Vegan movement. What I mean by that is as more people became Vegetarian, the more animal substitute recipes starting showing up. Google “Fake Meat Recipes”, can you say wheat gluten (seitan). You see Vegetarians and Vegans think meat is bad and substitute wheat gluten for it. While Paleo and Primal followers think wheat gluten is the devil and substitute meat for it. Hmmm. We turn to excess by avoidance. We are starting to see the substitution of grains, legumes, sugar, you name it into comfort recipes. You can substitute nut flour for wheat flour, sugar for honey, maple syrup, or agave, milk chocolate for dark chocolate, dairy based ice cream for coconut ice cream (my personal favorite). So are these Combo Abombo’s (borrowed this term from my 30 BAD days) healthier? I don’t know, but they are a way for us to connect to our old eating habits, give us comfort, and make us not feel so… weird for eating Paleo or Primal. Here’s a great conversation I recently had explaining how I eat. To protect his identity, I will call him Vegan Bob.

Vegan Bob: “So you eat meat?”
Me: “Yes and also vegetables, nuts, seeds, roots, tubers, and occasionally rice.”
Vegan Bob: “That’s cool except for the carcass part. Do you eat desserts? I have a great vegan recipe for vegan cheesecake.”
Me: “I occasionally eat Coconut Ice Cream or Paleo Brownies.”
Vegan Bob: “What is a Paleo Brownie?”
Me: “I substitute sweet potato and coconut flour for wheat flour and honey for sugar.”
Vegan Bob: “Umm, ok, that sounds nasty. How does it taste?”
Me: “Well, not as good as regular brownies.”

It basically ended there. That conversation made me realize we have not changed our eating habits only found ways around them. Yes, we are seeing lives saved by reducing heart disease, getting people off of medications, people losing weight, and helping people get moving. But other diets are reporting the same. What makes our movement different? Is it the sustainability? Is it whole real foods? Or is it we can make a Paleo version of your favorite food? I believe our message should be about Whole Real Foods procured locally, eaten seasonally, with as minimal processing as possible. This is the message we need to give everybody looking at our movement.

I am not sure this is a coherent post, but I needed to get that off my chest.

Ghee, A Better Butter

Ghee, what the heck is it? It is butter that has been simmered to remove moisture and milk solids. Ok, why would I want that? Ghee or clarified butter has the milk solids removed which allows those with lactose intolerances to consume it. But the biggest reason, it’s damn tasty! I really enjoy the rich nutty flavor. Other benefits include; higher smoke point, longer shelf life, and easier to spread. It is also said to; lower cholesterol, clear skin, help with burns, increase weight loss, make you awesome, and gives you a clearer mind. You had me at it makes you AWESOME, now how do I make it? Making ghee is very simple, so simple even a Caveman could do it. Sorry, I know that’s played out, but I could not resist.

1. Get some high quality Butter. I typically use Kerrygold. But this time I used an Organic butter.

2. Put 1lb of said butter in a saucepan. I start my on low mine and allow it to come to a boil. Some recipes say to use medium, but if you have the attention span of a Kindergartner like me, you will quickly burn it.

3. Once the butter starts to melt it will begin to froth and make a hissing noise. The first time I thought a jet was landing in my kitchen. Don’t worry unless a jet is landing in your kitchen, then be very worried.

4. Keep allowing it to simmer/boil. The excess moisture is evaporating. Some recipes say to stir some say don’t. I don’t.
5. Once the foaming stops and it turns golden brown, you will want to keep a close eye on it. The milk solids have fallen to the bottom and they can burn quickly. I usually allow the solids to become light brown before turning off the heat.

6. Allow the Ghee to cool for 15 minutes and strain through cheesecloth into a glass container.

7. Allow the Ghee to cool completely and put the lid on. The Ghee will solidify in several hours and be ready to use. Ghee can be stored at room temperature up to 3 months or in the fridge for up to 6 months. It rarely lasts longer than a month in my house.

Now you are ready to enjoy it on veggies, meats, or whatever you can find to slather this nutty creamy goodness on.

AMRAP Nutrition Refuel Bar – Review

Several months ago I received an email asking if I would try a new “Paleo” nutrition bar. I am skeptical of any manufactured food item being called “Paleo”. Curious I agreed and asked for 2 sample bars (typically I will like a food the first time I try it, then find out I really did not like it at all the next go round). I received the sample bars with a letter stating it was “100% Paleo”. Although I don’t agree with the “100% Paleo” slogan because of the Egg White Protein Powder (derived from chickens not treated with growth hormones), the rest of the ingredients you would find in nature and could eat raw (my definition of Paleo). Ok, now onto the review. I like this bar, I like it a lot and my kids like it too. Almond butter, coconut, and cinnamon work well together. The bar is very rustic, think Lara Bar. Chunks of raw almonds, sesame seeds, and coconut with a hint of cinnamon. I like the protein to carbohydrate ratio and the amount of fat in the bar. The low carb Paleo followers will find the addition of honey and the 17 g of sugar too much. Personally I like the sweetness of the bar, which was not overpowering. This bar is a great alternative to other bars post workout or as an on the go snack. So if you are looking for a great tasting bar, the AMRAP Nutrition Refuel Bar might be for you. Check out their Facebook page for some fantastic giveaways!

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